We tried to continue,
it wasn’t logical or pleasurable,
and here is where we landed.
(written 4/16/20, revised 4/24, revisited 3/28)
Number 1. If you feel unsure it will be possible to forgive them, perhaps put on a disguise. This may help you practice, but should not be mistaken as the act of forgiveness itself.
Number 2. Remember forgiveness is a solitary act, you cannot help someone accept or understand or even know you’ve practiced forgiveness. Maybe those who’ve passed can sense it, and those alive will notice something feels different, less tangled, less magnetic, less dense…maybe.
Number 3. Take a medium small paint brush from the basement, pour a quart of honey in a large mixing bowl, use the paint brush to saturate your upper chest with the honey. I recommend doing this lying down in the grass, in a shaded area. Next, sprinkle bee pollen on the saturated area, bee pollen is an activator, perhaps add some dried flower petals for meaning or aesthetic.
Number 4. Close your eyes, imagine a cord from the center of your chest or solar plexus or heart (center), maybe throat, maybe tongue, perhaps mind/brain/consciousness. Archangel Michael is there, immediately, to cut the cord. Bite into half a lemon and suck out the juices. It is sour and sweet, the cord…It feels cut, it feels empty, or loose, or spacious, or terrifying or painful or like freedom? The chord must be cut to initiate forgiveness in this circumstance.
Number 5. Remind yourself, you have the cord, do not reinstate the cord. Remind yourself there is no timeline, there may not be any tangible outcome, everything is possible, you are becoming yourself again. You must forgive, it is your soul journey, to learn forgiveness, it will transform loss. It will help you understand your power, all that is in your control and all that is not.
Can you forgive yourself?
Can you forgive the foot in the shoe that trips up the stairs?
Can you forgive the humiliation (you feel) for getting lost in the first place?
On a Thursday:
Light a candle, a tea light, write her name on a small scrap of paper, by small I mean, really tiny, the smallest print possible. Tear off that paper and feed it to the flame. Clap at your broken heart, clap at the fire & clap over head.
This bulk of this work was created on unceded ancestral land of the Dakota and Anishnaabe, land called Mni Sota Makoce, our studios reside in what the Dakota call Bde Ota Othunjwe, in the States known as Minneapolis. The Dakota and Ojibwe people call and name this land in relationship to its many waters, lakes and falls. This land is home to its ancestral stewards still, including plant and animal kin.
These lands were stolen by a government which also enslaved Black Americans and reaps the benefits of exploitative capitalism and genocide. May we not forget the way culture, land and life theft continues to impact Black and Indigienous folks living in the United States, here on Turtle Island today, and yesterday and until we dream new systems to life. This work was living when Fire and Air ancestors nurtured the torching of the MPD third precinct in South Minneapolis, as the city burned with rage, we still burn with a call for abolition.
Lineage of performance and dance making that threads this work together includes more than we can collectively name here and we aim to credit/honor those who have taught, guided and nurture our artistry. Miguel Gutierrez, Ana Mendieta, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna, Patty Berne, Rosalia, Bad Bunny, Diamanda Galas, Tanya Tagaq, Sara Shelton Mann, Keith Hennessy, Faye Driscoll, Jaamil Olawale Kosoko, mayfield brooks, Rosy Simas, Octavia Butler, Adrienne Marie Brown, Xandra Ibarra.